You Do You
AKA ‘Use what you love.’
When it comes to the myriad ‘Top-5 things for Healthy/Productive/Happy/Balanced/Satisfying Life’ lists, I can’t help but think we know ourselves well enough that we’re already part way there on our own, if only we could zero in on it. We want to ‘live life well’ the way it is meaningful to us, with our own right mix of relationship/vocation/leisure/connection. (and tacos??!!)
And when lists wag their finger at us about ideas that feel foreign, too boring, too challenging or ‘not-my-style,’ it hits our guilty-buttons or we just tune out. Like Kale: it’s healthy, but it isn’t everyone’s daily superfood. If you don’t eat kale, are you doomed to illness forever? Of course not, but it hits our little off-switch. For me, it’s seeing advice to turn off the news or ignore the needs around me; or chant a mantra of “I’m amazing, I’m rich, I’m in tune with the universe!” Yuck. So we scroll past, numb the discomfort and move along.
Use What You Know… & Love!
Your own top-10 list for life well lived.
But you are a grown-up. You’ve been around a bit. You already know things that would improve your life, so not why ‘use what you know?’
We know some basic facts about how most human brains work (or don’t): Stress amps up the survival brain, triggering responses like anxiety (or worse); and same with with soothing, familiar experiences: the calm clear pre-frontal cortex kicks in and saves the day. Also, intentional practice leads to new patterns. If you’ve been in therapy or counselling, then you have access to so much more knowledge. Basic brain function is mostly universal, but some things: like your own unique triggers and patterns- those are individual; and what grounds us again - we all individualize our soothing ways too. What hammers us hard, or simmers in the background, or energizes us - all individual. Your mix of challenge, highs/lows, trauma, healing, adversity & success - all individual! You’ve been living this life already and with some care, you can take a closer look. How do we put it all together and make use of it?
I’ve jotted down a couple of triggers that seem to hit my sore spots:
disrespect for good, caring ways & eyerolls (I get judgey!)
being measured against the wrong measures - ie - I’m not smart enough (about something not in my wheelhouse,) or bitchy enough (instead of tuned in and strong) or professional enough (by someone who doesn’t enjoy roller coasters or a swim or teenagers?!!! WTH??)
plastic/oil/chemical anything instead of sustainable choices (turns me into a panicky tree-hugger)
hearing a sigh after I ask a favour or carefully speak my mind (agh - am I irritating?)
Now… what do you retreat to for calming? What chills you out? Try to zero in on the better ones instead of the lousier choices. Can you make a list of 5? Put that sticky note up on the fridge and see how quickly can you get to 10?
Here’s mine:
glass of water,
how many birds can I hear?
feeling the breeze or sun on my skin,
familiar little poems
Sensing my feet on the ground.
Oh - and yoga, swimming, hiking, music, house design websites, & jigsaw puzzles, and dusting, or stroking a dog’s ears? Fun nights with friends!
And remember that inspiring workshop, or that powerful speaker who created chills! and the book I dog-eared? … deeper learnings that were so good and have been back-burnered - those go on the list too.
a few deep breaths…
Call out your own common personal triggers and saboteurs…
And then notice your favourite fixes to hush the stress and kick-start your calm:
Feel the empathy return and your wise clarity and optimism. Plan to counter every stressful thought by picking something from your own top-10 list. Even better, grow a habit of mini-breaks through the day. Morning… After lunch…. just before supper…. Bedtime… Think of the one good thing and start there.
What’s your next right step? “You do you!”
Lasting change is possible. My “Live Life Well” program with coaching and PQ Positive Intelligence is all about creating a life you love and lasting habits you will use.
PQ learning helps you notice and count the mindful and calming moments that strengthen your mental muscles against stress. It marks your authentic joy after an exhilarating adventure. By adding intention and check-ins to your everyday life, you can count your pauses and little wins, or the bigger ones - a swim or recovering after a challenge, or your coffee break or your shower even when it counts. You’ll see (and feel!) your mental fitness expand.
The PQ program makes it simpler and satisfying to use what you know. It’s 6 weeks of a framework of simple brain science and app-based habit-setting that lets you make it your own and see the rewards of little breaks, authentic joys and life lived well. Learn all you need now to tame old saboteurs, toss the old habits, and feel the energy, calm and focus of life lived well, your way.
*8 Week Live Life Well Program. = PQ 6 weeks plus personalized support and coaching to jump off the basis, and spread the benefits out around you. Bring your partner (1/2 price) or a friend - grow your life lived well together. (edited July 2022)